My JWRP experience

I have been trying to put into words all the experiences I had on my recent trip to Israel with the JWRP. As the weeks pass by since my return it has been become clearer to me what the trip has done for me. When I first applied to the JWRP in 2012 it was more about taking a trip on my own, without my family. A "break" if you will. I didn't know exactly why I wanted to go on a woman's trip to Israel but I did know I wanted to experience Israel again, through adult eyes. It had been many years, almost half my life since I'd last visited the Holy Land. As time passed and I had the opportunity to speak with many women who had gone on the trip I learned more about it. They all said the same thing - the trip was amazing and had significantly change their lives. I knew I had to go. My first application was rejected and again my second application was rejected, both for reason's beyond my control. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and started doubting my desire to go on this trip. Then something happened that shook me to the core and solidified my need to visit Israel again. A long time "friend" began posting an array of anti-Israel, free-Gaza and BDS (BOYCOTT, DIVESTMENT AND SANCTIONS) propaganda on her Facebook page. I was shocked and disgusted that someone I had been good friends for many years, someone whom I had invited to my Passover Seder, someone who lived and worked with Jews would believe and spread those lies. I confronted her and asked what she was thinking posting such rhetoric. She began spewing all sorts of ill conceived "facts" about Israel, things she had obviously read in propaganda. She had clearly been brainwashed. When I expressed my utter disgust at her being so blatantly antisemitic she replied with the old adage that she didn't hate Jews she just hated Zionists. My attempts to explain that antisemitism and anti-Zionism is one and the same fell on deaf ears. She did not want to hear or read the factually accurate rebuttal I carefully constructed for her. She immediately dismissed me with the statement "you're too invested in being Jewish to see the truth" With that statement I knew beyond any doubt that I had to experience Israel again. Of course I was invested in being Jewish. It is a major part of who I am, how I was raised and how I want my family to live on a daily basis. I needed to learn more ways to bring Jewish values and ethics into my home for the long run. It was more than just lighting Shabbat candles weekly or forcing the kids to go to shul on the high holidays. I needed to be pro-active. Educating my family about Israel was to become a regular occurrence in my home. My kids would learn about the importance of having a home land for all Jews to return to. While the trip definitely helped renew my love of Israel it also did so much more. Adrienne Gold our trip leader was so inspirational. She spoke about so many relevant topics including "don't blame and don't complain" which essentially made us think about how important it is to take responsibility for ourselves. Be thankful for what we have and take the time to appreciate those around us. (Baruch Hashem, I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband, so what if he doesn't always close the drawers or cupboards or occasionally leaves his socks on the floor. OR So I feel a sense of boredom on occasion with the life I've been living- make the effort to change things for myself instead of waiting for change to come to me!) I was really challenged to look deep into myself and decide who I am, who I want to be and what kind of kids I want to raise. The trip definitely brought laughter and many tears (especially for me!!!) and overall I would highly recommend this experience to almost any Jewish mother I know. Along with all the learning and self-reflecting we did I was extremely fortunate to have made some amazing friends on this trip. Our group really gelled well. Everyone got along beautifully and I think that many of us feel as if we have made "sisters" for life. Most of these women I would have never had the chance to meet if it weren't for the JWRP.

New Year's a comin'

Every year I debate the resolution thing... this year I decided I'm not going to resolve for anything since overall I am happy with what I have and where I'm at. I have realized that although I am not the big powerful executive or corporate lawyer I had wanted to be I am in a job that is well suited for who I am. My husband is a teacher and is income is fair. He doesn't earn huge money but he is a very hands on father and an awesome husband. He is so supportive and understanding. He brings rational and balance at times when I don't! So I don't live in the big fancy house, nor do I drive expensive cars but I have everything I could really need. Of course more money would come in handy but I know that if we continue on the path we are on we will be fine in the long run. I will however make small changes in my life that hopefully will have a positive effect on all those around me. I will surround myself with positivity. I find that negativity is not healthy for me. It makes me feel sad and angry, while these feelings are normal on occasion there is no need to immerse myself in it.

resolutions

2015 came and went and I didn't blog even once... Not that I didn't have anything to say but only because I had too many things going on I put my blog on hold. I hope that 2016 will resurrect my love of writing and get me back to the keyboard! I will start off with an old favourite in blog-postings... my new years resolutions! I have tried for several years not to set impossible goals and to keep them to myself, not making them public makes it much easier to break them though. SO here I go... 1) I resolve to make my own fun. I have noticed for quite some time that I find myself often bored or distracted, wishing I were somewhere else or hoping that something "fun" would happen. This year instead of waiting for the fun to come to me, I am going to try and make my own. This means that when I'm sitting at a get together and things are super mellow/quiet maybe put on music and try to get others to dance, read more and stay more in touch with what is going on in the world, that way I can contribute more the conversation and actually know what I'm talking about. - essentially forming opinions based on my own knowledge/understanding rather than just nodding my head and agreeing without actually having any clue. Finding more interests. Photography, knitting, dancing...whatever. 2) I want to keep positive people in my life. I met a wonderful group of women on my Israel trip and we really bonded so well. Some of them have become like sisters to me and their presence in my life is so amazingly inspirational. I can only learn from them and want to try hard (well not too hard) to see them often as their friendships are really important to me. We just seem share such similar values and interests I can't believe our paths had not crossed earlier! Feels like we've known each other for ever! 3) This is a hard one. I hope to yell less. I get frustrated with my family often and just didn't seem to possess the coping skills to deal with them without yelling. I am trying very hard to keep my cool, not scream and talk to them with love but firmness. I promised them that each time I do lapse I will put a dollar in a jar. I hope to have no money in that jar but reality is I am sure that I will have to really work hard on this one. 4) FACEBOOK. I am taking a break from Facebook. I am not making a big announcement and exiting with drama, just quietly sitting back and posting less, privatizing more and removing myself from many conversations. I can't delete my account as I belong to some groups that I need access to but overall I think i'm pretty much done with social media (of course it has it's positives and has been a great resource for a lot of things and can be very helpful but there are a number of negatives which can't outweigh the positives.)

DIY

I have never really been a Do It Yourself kind of gal. I do enjoy cooking and baking along with other "domestic" type activities but I would never consider making a cake for my kids birthday parties or decorating the house myself with my own homemade creations- only because I prefer professionally decorated cakes (and mine always look like a 2 year old did it) and I don't have a crafty bone in my body for making things that look nice enough to display in my home. BUT I have recently decided that although I'm not crafty I can still do some things around my home myself. So recently I decided that I would change the burnt out headlight in my car myself. I just looked up a Youtube video on how to change it and viola it took me less than 10 minutes to change both sides! Another attempt I made at doing something that looked hard myself went really well. I wanted to butterfly a whole chicken for the BBQ. I had been buying them pre-butterflied myself but they cost considerably more to buy them pre-cut. Again with the help of youtube I was able to find perfect instructions for butterflying a chicken- which significantly reduces the time needed to BBQ! My next attempt at a DIY project is going to be restoring our old bicycles. We bought 2 old bikes at a garage sale several years ago but we hardly ever use them because they are really rusty. They look terrible! I just looked up several websites on how to paint/restore rusty bikes. The process looks fairly straight forward but quite time consuming. I am doing to re-read how to do it several more times before attempting the process.I hope that I don't completely mess up but honestly I don't have much to lose in trying!

continuing the journey

I have committed to getting my house in somewhat liveable order. Last night I battled the linen closet. It was such a mess, towels just shoved in , sheets bunched up and not folded properly, no order or reason for item placement... after emptying out the entire closet I sorted every towel, sheet and pillow case etc.. I also came across crib sheets, receiving blankets and baby towels that we have not used in years! All those items went into the donation bag- no need for nostalgia here! I have files and files of pictures for that! Now my linen closet is something to be proud of! Everything is organized so nicely! I hope that I can keep it up!!!

Spring Clean Day 2

First day of project spring clean went well. I decluttered the space on top of the fridge and threw away a tonne of stuff. Don't tell my kids... a bunch of their drawings and "artwork" went buh-bye... I keep so much of it but now only keep the really noteworthy pieces. (quite hard with two budding artists in the house!!) Did find a form to renew my licence plate... well that is only 6 weeks overdue... i will take my car for that emmission test one of these days! Today I am going to attempt to clean the space under the stairs in the basement. We emptied it out a few years ago when we had our basement finished but just piled the stuff back in... i plan on installing shelves in there so that the space can be used more effectively. This may take longer than the one hour I give myself to declutter each spot.. much luck needed for this one!

Spring Cleaning

As spring is supposedly here I thought I'd think about giving the house a big clean. I've never really done one before and am scared about what gems I might find. We do clean the house weekly but I really want to get into the nooks and crannies, declutter and organize every cupboard, closet and drawer... only thing I can think to say to that is "good luck with that" Today I'm going to start with the space on top of the fridge. I'm not sure why that space constantly gets littered with "stuff". All the things I plan on getting to later end up piled on top of my fridge. I have cleaned it before and been shocked to find things I was supposed to do weeks months earlier. Like send in the kids immunization records so they don't get expelled from school! Or a hydro bill etc.. Anyway hopefully today is the first day of my "big spring clean project" Crossing my fingers it goes ok!!!

a little late but better than never

I'm a bit late for a "resolutions" post but I am still working on making permanent and positive changes in my life as a whole. First thing I wanted to change and have been successful at it so far, is ridding myself of negative people in my life. As I had mention in my previous post I was dealing with a negative person who not only had a negative attitude but was a bad influence in my life altogether- that person is now out of my life completely. Next thing I am working on is a more steady and manageable work-out plan. I started with barre before the New year and have been sticking with it. I love the barre classes and have tried both spin and yoga too. I like both but can honestly take them or leave them. If the schedule had more evening barre classes I would make a sincere effort to attend them. Unfortunately most of the classes I love are in the day or weekends. Last night due to circumstances beyond my control I had to miss the yoga class I had planned to attend- due to the need to take a detour and drop something off in Markham on my way home I got stuck in hwy 7 traffic and would have been rudely late for the class. I chose to just stop and the super market and pick up much needed fruit instead. sigh... will try to go Thursday ! I am also trying to eat better, healthier and just more mindfully. This takes a lot of effort. For some reason I have been having a hard time with this one more than the others. I followed Weight Watchers for years and have kept off the 25 pounds I lost 4 years ago but now I feel that it's time to lost the last 5 pounds but just can't get there. My goal is to be at 133 pounds and to stay there (with the 1-2 pound fluctuations of course) Since we are going on a beach vacation I want to be at my goal for that time... will have to find a way to motivate myself to get there! am going to start now... going to track my food intake for today so far.

A big beef

I recently started going to Wicked Barre, on the suggestion of FP . I feel great after a work out there, and I honestly think that after the month of going to classes 2-3 times a week my body is really changing. My legs feel leaner, my core stronger (a tiny bit stronger anyway). I still watch what I eat for the most part, I don't always follow Weight Watchers as closely as I'd like but I am aware of how to eat healthy and make the right choices. One thing that really bothers me - and it probably shouldn't but it does- is when people say things to me like, "you're so skinny", or "oh you can eat that, you can afford it." Firstly, I don't consider myself skinny. I am average. I wear a steady size 8 or sometimes I can squeeze myself into size 6. Skinny in my opinion is size 2 or 4. I am on the thinner side of average but "skinny" I don't think so!!! I am often the biggest person in barre class (especially on Fridays!?!?!) Second, I can't "afford" to eat like a glutton. I work hard on eating healthy, I worked even harder on losing 25 pounds and keeping it off is a daily effort. I really can't eat whatever I want,(although in all honesty, eating junky, fatty foods doesn't really appeal to me anymore as it just leaves me feeling gross, bloated and very uncomfortable for days afterwards) nor do I even want to eat "junk food" regularly. I see what eating unhealthily can look like. I've been on that end of the spectrum. The people who generally comment on how I can "afford" to eat whatever I want are usually the ones who really can't afford it but indulge regularly- perhaps daily! Why do people make comments without thinking about them? (not that i've never been guilty of this-that's for certain) Is it jealousy or just ignorance that make people speak first and not realize the impact their words will have on the receiver? Maybe they are trying to pay a compliment and likely don't mean anything negative by their words but I just find these types of compliments to be slightly back handed!

the most wonderful time of the year...

It's boot season!!! and browsing all the beautiful boots on display in the stores now brought me to my newest love...

Dirty Girl

I recently decided to give an old tried and true face wash a try again. I had used Noxzema as a teenager and never had really bad skin. In fact I would say my skin overall had been pretty good. When I saw a huge container on sale for a really good price I bought it without hesistation. Fast forward a few weeks...after using the Noxzema for about 3-4 weeks i started to notice a great deal of breakout and gross spots on my face. The product claims to deep clean and mosturize, and leave your skin feeling fresh so i never thought my skin would be so dirty after using it to wash my face at the end of the day. I was really upset about all the blemishes on my face so i went over it several times with a cotton pad soak in rubbing alcohol (a tried and true cleanser- even if slightly drying on skin) the puff was filthly. It looked as though i had not even washed my face at all. I was horrified and am now on a search for a pruduct that actually does what it claims and cleanses my face, removing makeup and dirt!

take a look at how dirty my face was just after cleansing with Noxzema

Rosemary Roasted Chicken with potatoes

I made this delicious chicken last week and needed to share

ingredients

2tsp paprika
1 1/2 rosemary leaves crushed
1 tsp dehydrated minced garlic
1/2 tsp ground black pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 pound boneless skinless chicken thighs
1 1/2 pounds red potatoes cut in 1 inch cubes

directions
1. mix all the spices in a large bowl add chicken and potatoes, toss to coat well. Arrange chicken and potatoes in a single layer on foil lined baking pan
2. roast in pre-heated 425 degree f oven for 30 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink and potatoes are tender. turn potatoes occasionally during cooking.

judgement calls

The other day i met up with a very old friend. We are so different and I am always a little surprised we have remained friends over the past 20 years. But i guess our differences make for interesting conversations...or at least interesting to talk about afterwards with my dear husband!
During this particular visit our conversation was slightly dull as i listened (once again) to her chatter on and on about her own kids, the kids she will be working this year and her hatred of patterned clothing. Then we spoke briefly about someone i just recently met and whom she has known for years. She said something about this woman that got me thinking.... she told me she doesn't like the other lady because she's happy being fat. i was slightly dumbfounded by this comment and just let it go.
but it got me thinking. why should it matter to someone whether or not another person is happy with who they are, thin or not? I think it's quite admirable that this new friend of mine is so confident in herself that she isn't bothered by her weight. or even if she is she doesn 't talk about it and seems very comfortable in her own skin. She has a fabulous life, a loving husband, 3 beautiful kids and gorgeous professionally decorated house and no need to ever worry about working. who wouldn't be happy.
Who is my old friend to judge this woman based on her weight? Would i judge and not like someone because they never bother putting on make-up, or should brush their hair more often- no. i accept them for who they are. flaws and all! I might not like someone for being judgemental and over bearing but because they are fat... not the case, I may even be a little jealous that they can be happy with themselves as they are because weight is such an obsession for both myself and so many women (and men) in society today.
Is being happy with being fat a bad thing? I think it is more important to teach your children that being a good person and being confident in who you are comes from within and not based on exterior appearances.  Obsessing about weight and complaining about being fat all the time can lead to a lot of issues for both you and the people around you. (although admittedly i am guilty of this but am really trying to make a concerted effort not to complain about my appearance - especially in front on my kids)  Having so much self-confidence that you are happy in your own skin just shows a level of maturity that perhaps not everyone can obtain.
anyway  i was so bothered by this comment i had to express my opinions on it... what would you have said or perhaps thought about this???

fourty not frumpy

Before turning 40 i was really scared for what was to come. i had always thought of 40 as being the turning point in a downward spiral towards the end...or just "over the hill"
Now that i am 40 i feel that I'm 40 but not frumpy. unlike so many of the women i know around my age i want to be fabulous and fashionable. I don't want to let my age deter me from looking great, rocking high heals and bikinis. i refuse to wear tankinis with skirt bottoms and "sensible shoes".
i don't always have my nails done nicely but i never (ever) leave my house without mascara and lip gloss.
In my pursuit of fabulousness i have recently picked up these great treasures....

feeling great

The past few weeks..since turning 40 in fact, i have been feeling great- with the exception of an awful reaction to some foods- i've never felt better. I have been getting compliments from so many people at work on everything from my shoes to my hair. And honestly i don't think i've changed anything i've been doing- other than maybe wearing a couple of pairs of sexier shoes! I haven't even had a hair cut since December 14th!! !
I have been running a little more these days and with running comes reduced appetite which of course leads to a nicer figure! but i haven't bought any new clothes, just been digging out what i already own. Maybe the fact that the weather has been getting nicer (except of course for today- which is miserable) helps...

July Challenge

I promised myself I would complete the 30 day shred in July. i have started it several times and have never completed it. I am off to do day one....

outfit of the day

inspired by FP's old blog style i've decided that while the weather is nicer and clothing is more fun to wear I'm going to post my outfit of the day...

Today I dug way into my closet and pulled out a MEXX skirt that I haven't worn in years. When I bought it in 2003 it was a bit snug... then it got so tight I couldn't do up the zipper at all (post baby x 2 ) Now it is a tad loose but I still love the length and straight style. I could probably have it taken in a bit but not really worth it given how old it is and how cheap it was to begin with. My top was another "snug when purchased" from RW. I loved the color and was on Weight Watchers religiously so I knew that the smaller size would eventually fit.. but again it fit then got big.. anyway I liked the look and especially love it with my new hot shoes .. still getting the hang of taking self-portraits though so excuse the crappy quality !

I did it!!!

Finished the Sporting Life 10K yesterday in 1:05:28. Pretty good. I was hoping to get it done in under 60 miutes but sicne the weather has been so friggin' cold lately I have not been able to train as much as I needed to get to that goal. In any case I'm very happy with my results and now that it's done I plan on registering for a few more races over the summer.
The only downside to yesterdays' run was it was SO SOOOO very cold. My legs were blue and my feet/toes were so cramping that even today I'm limping and stiff. Couldn't take the stairs today like I normally do as my muscles just won't work that way today.. but honestly it's an awesome feeling!!!

and to top it off I raised almost $150 for Camp Ooch thanks to the generousity of my friends and family!!!

depression

every year since having kids I find this time of year very depressing. I am not sure exactly why, the weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and spring has sprung but I start to feel like a prisoner in my own life. My kids go to bed fairly early and often it is still light outside, I am then stuck inside with nothing to do but watch TV or clean the house...same old stuff I do in the winter. I never get the chance to enjoy the beautiful weather and sometimes start to feel resentful. I miss my old life, when i could go sit on a patio and have a drink or two with friends, take walks in the evenings with my hubby or even friends.
I have told hubby that I feel this way and he wasn't taking me seriously at first but he realized that this is actually an issue for me and we are going to work on ways to fix it,. Won't be easy as my kids need their sleep, but maybe taking them to the park after dinner for a bit and getting out of the house into the sunshine will ease my upset about this issue!

Sunny Spring Styles

Seems like patterned and printed pants are all the rage this spring. Every store I go into has them on display. They look nice but I'm not sure I'll be buying into the trend, unless I find a pair I really like, at a super steal. I like to wear my jeans/pants for years and years and don't anyone to think that they are "so last year" next summer!!
Will you buying into this summers trend with patterned pants???