I didn't plan on making this a baby blog as I do have a site for my little guy but this issue has been on my mind a lot lately and today I went to a mommy group were we discussed the issues of breastfeeding quite a lot. Most of the moms in this group formula feed their babies and all the little ones are healthy, thriving energetic little people...
anyway I was recently forwarded this article and thought I"d post it here as I found it very inspiring and helpful (although I am choosing to continue breatfeeding for a while still)
Read and let me know your thoughts on this
Confessions of a Closet Bottle Feeder
I admit it. I had no interest in breast feeding before my daughter was born. I knew it was the "thing to do", but it just didn't seem like the "thing" for me. Secretly I hoped my new baby wouldn't figure it out. I dreamed I wouldn't have adequate milk supply. I imagined all sorts of scenarios that would give me the easy out and make it okay not to nurse my new baby daughter. Then on December 30, 2005, my little girl was born and suddenly my world changed. I couldn't believe that she was our creation and I was continually amazed that she depended on me for life. I was in love. In an instant, I was determined that I would breast feed her exclusively and suddenly I had no interest in a bottle or formula. For those first few days, we struggled and learned together and I had never been happier. While I thought I was doing a fine job with the feedings, her second doctor's visit proved me wrong. Our little girl was still losing weight and she was very dehydrated. I was devasted. My doctor all but threw a can of formula at me and said "get this kid on the bottle"! I was crestfallen. Tears ran from my eyes. I was horrified. I was annoyed. How could this be? Things were going so well. I spent hours with a private lactation consultant (at $150/hour!!) to help me perfect the feeding routine. A few more days of crying for both me and my baby (she was obviously STARVING!) and close to $1000 worth of consultation services later, I was forced to introduce the bottle. At first I wouldn't feed her. I refused to be the one to give my baby this powder and water mixture. It seemed so unhealthy. It seemed so unnatural. Most of all, it seemed so unfair. Everyone else seemed to be breast feeding. So devasted and ashamed, I couldn't and wouldn't bottle feed my daughter in public at the beginning. I was so fearful that someone would judge me as an inferior mother because I was giving my daughter formula. If I did have to feed her in public, I'd prepare the bottle at home, so that one might think it was pumped breast milk. It took me about two months and a lot of sad and lonely days to get over this insecurity. I am proud to say that my daughter is six months old and now she rarely eats a meal INSIDE of our house. She snacks at Starbucks, she lunches anywhere from the local park to the Four Seasons' Studio Café. My daughter is healthy and thriving and thoroughly enjoys her bottles of formula. Countless people have enjoyed bonding with her while feeding her a bottle and this has given me a lot more time and flexibility. While I support and applaud any mother who breast feeds her baby, I now know that how you feed your baby is a personal decision. My daughter couldn't be happier, and neither could I.
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I could not agree more. I just stumbled upon your blog, but I want you to know that I had an almost identical experience. The timing, the doctor's visit, not wanting to be the first person to "wreck" my child by feeding him the dreaded poisonous formula! Everything.
ReplyDeleteI mainly felt compelled to comment because, like you, as a result, I felt so alone and so defeated for so long.
I felt like breastfeeding was the first test of a good mother and that I had failed miserably.
At the time, my husband did a great job helping me gain perspective. He wisely noted that in just a few months time, all kids our son's age would be starting baby food, and this "gigantic catastrophe" would be forgotten.
So we forged ahead with Enfamil. And like you, I have really enjoyed the bottle (and I can't imagine breastfeeding now!). My son is 9 months old, thriving...and alreading walking! (much to our mixed feelings about that!) He's amazing, and he's doing great.
I learned a lot through that process about my expectations and the importance of adjusting them.
Most of all, I learned to not worry about doing the "right" thing, but to seek out what is the right and best thing for my son.
Even though I BF my DD for 2 years, of course I think if BF is making mom miserable, or the baby is not thriving on it, babies should be formula fed. Many many babies grow and thrive on formula, far more than do so on their mother's milk, in my experience anyways. In my own mom's group, I was the only one that BF to a year and most of the moms had done so for less than a few months.
ReplyDeleteIt is, however, important to remember that there are just as many good BF stories and bad ones, lots of moms that have trouble BF at the start and end up having wonderful BF experiences.
Formula is a wonderful invention and healthy for babies, but that doesn't negate that BM is still the perfect food for babies and IMO too many moms are too quick to give up on BF.
IMO moms are also to quick to beging FF and then encourage other moms to do likewise. Those that have done so have a vested interest in encouraging new moms to go to formula feeding as well, as no mom wants to feel like she is doing less for her baby than another (which is silly, as there are so many ways to be a good mom, and feeding alone does not make or break it, but motherhood seems to be a competative busisness). Even though BF went perfectly for us, FF moms were constantly encouraging me to formula feed instead, saying that BF was too much a PITA, and how nice it would be for my husband to be able to feed our daughter. It was like they just could not accept that I was able to happily my baby when they weren't. I could see how they felt, as I had always wanted to co-sleep and that had not worked for us but had for some of the moms. I could easily have jumped on the "crib sleeping is better anyways" bandwagon and encouraged them all to try it, and often wanted to. But in the end, even though I felt co-sleeping may have been better for my baby, it had not worked for us and had worked for them, and that was that.
For what it is worth, I NEVER wanted to BF. Like the woman in the essay, I hoped most of my pregnany that something would go wrong and I would not have to kieep it up because I knew I would have to try. Turned out everything went right for us and I could not have given it up if I wanted to but I ended up loving BF.
This may not be what you wanted to hear, but you asked for thoughts on this...so those our mine.
P.S. I wanted to add that obviously the woman in the essay had to switch to formula. She tried to BF and saw an LC and her baby was not gaining or thriving. It is sad that she felt to ashamed when she had worked so hard, and was clearly doing what she needed to in order to ensure her baby was healthy...which is the most important thing.
ReplyDeleteokay i have to ask...what is PITA- to me that is kind of middle eastern flatbread :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't feel pressured by the other moms to formula feed, they were just sharing their stories and experiences. Everyone agreed that moms have to do what is best for them...many of the moms in the group (including myself) had AWFUL experiences with that breastfeeding nazi Dr Newman. He was SOO rude and obnoxious to many of the moms and in my personal experience he was very demeaning and I am glad I never had to meet him in person as the one email reply i received was enough to turn me off him and his clinic for good!
PITA=Pain in the ass.
ReplyDeleteI have never met Dr. Newman, but do know some women who have been very happy to be at his clinic, as he is a world renowed expert in his field. I know others who have been turned off, and I have heard he can be very very pushy. I guess for some women it is what they feel they need to make BF work, and other women don't feel that it is worth it. I am the first to admit I was very lucky that I had no problems BF, and I am not sure what I would have done or how far I would have gone if I had had problems.
I have also met qute a few women who HATED our Ob/Gyn, who we both really liked. So who knows???
Are you sure, however, that you really want to compare someone who advocates breastfeeding, even in a rude and obnoxious and pushy manner, to a group of people who killed millions of our ancestors??