I'm at an age where most of my peers are either in the process of starting families or have already entered the world of parenthood.
I do understand that having a baby changes ones life. How could the new responsibility of caring for another human beings' every need NOT entirely change things? Life is no longer your own.
This tiny creature relies on you for EVERYTHING. Without you this baby could not survive on its own.
My issue is not that you now allow for your schedule to molded around your baby. My issue is that so many mothers now use motherhood as an excuse to discard all responsibility to take care of themselves or to stop doing the things they once loved. They seem to forget that it is still important to take care of themselves. How hard can it be to apply a coat of mascara or dab on some lipgloss? Or how about leaving the sweats for the gym and putting on a decent pair of jeans and a top before leaving the house for a day on the town or an evening with friends. I do see plenty of good-looking, well put together moms pushing strollers, running after toddlers who are NOT wearing sneakers, a ponytail and track pants.
It has become one of my greatest peeves to hear some friends blame motherhood or parenting as an excuse for sloppiness . If I could lose a pound for every time I've heard "you don't have kids, you don't understand" I would be a very thin woman!!
I'm sorry but looking like you've just survived the lastest natural disaster cannot be blamed on motherhood. Nor does allowing your home to be constantly in a state of disarray because "we have kids" does not seem fair to the kids. I know plenty of women who keep their homes spotless without the existance of housekeepers or cleaning ladies. In fact one good friend of mine has taught her 2 and a 1/2 year old to sweep the floor and dust the furniture. Daily cleanup time has been incorporated in his daily play time schedule. Before bed every night it is a race to see how fast he can put away his toys. Now he won't go to bed before all the toys are away neatly in the toy chest. (of course there are other issues regarding parenting style I might have but really it is none of my business)
I have another friend with baby who NEVER looks bad. She always takes the time to put on make-up and straighten her hair before facing the world. Looking good makes her feel good and I have to admit I feel the same (although I don't have kids yet, I imagine I'll still try to look my best and not allow myself to get so caught up in mommydom to forget about what is important to me. )
It is my opinion that motherhood should not be seen as an excuse to stop caring about yourself. Just because you have children life doesn't stop. It is still acceptable to be hip and with it while doing the whole mom thing. I do understand that as a parent you definitely will have to give up some of the things you love because time is probably not an option but please don't blame your wee ones for this....
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I have struggled for years to get the smile I wanted. I have tried teeth whitening at a clinic, every type of toothpaste imaginable includin...
Wow-pretty judgmental, don't you think?? I mean, really, why would YOUR pet peeve be about whether or not another woman takes care of herself or her home? I cannot imagine being frustrated by whether or not someone else wears lip-gloss or vacuums daily!!!
ReplyDeleteHaving kids is different, and as much as no mom-to-be wants to hear it, it truly does change your life in ways you cannot imagine until you do it. Sure, some moms can do it all-I guess. Most moms have to prioritize-do you clean with your kids, or read with them? Do they sit in front of the TV all night so you can clean, or do you leave the cleaning and focus on them? Do you wake up early to do laundry, or to exercise, or to put on cosmetics, or do you just sleep in while you can? In the one free hour a day you have that you are not at work-do you take care of yourself or your home?
Everyone, children or not, has priorities, and who are you to say whether someone has the right priorities or not, unless they are hurting someone?
I personally choose to take care of myself, I surf the net, wear make-up, read a lot and have recently started to exercise. But I am not one for housework--my home is clean enough to not be a hazard, but not spot-less by any means. Does that mean I am better, or worse, than the mom who doesn't wear make-up or style her hair everyday, but has a spotless home?? No, of course not, we have different priorities, and that is okay.
As for the moms who can do it all-spend quality time with their kids and feed and care for their kids properly, look great, have a spotless home, focus on their marriage-all without a housekeeper or nanny. Well, to be honest, I know a lot of moms and haven't met one yet. But if you can be one, kudos to you.
My pet peeve is drivers that cut me off, since they impact on my life!!!
:)
just annoyed with some people blaming their kids on everything that is not perfect in their lives...things weren't perfect before they had kids and blame shouldn't be laid on the kids...I have been to your home and it's very clean compared to some i've seen...i guess listening to advice as to what kids to do to ones life is starting to bug me immensely...perhaps i should have worded it differently...saying that i am bothered by those who lay blame on their kids rather than taking the blame for these things themselves..can't be judgemental-never been there myself
ReplyDeleteWell yeah, that is true; people shouldn't blame kids for whatever problems they have. I was lazy about vacuuming long before I had Zoë and will freely admit it.
ReplyDeleteBut kids really do take far more time and attention than you can imagine (I know, I hated to hear that too before I had kids. Then I realized everyone said it because it is true. One cannot understand just how overwhelming parenting is until they do it) and you cannot fit a whole new life into your own without expecting something to give-for some moms it is sex, for some it is make-up, for some it is cleaning, for some it is exercise, for some alone time, for most sleep...etc...etc.
Even if you think you know a mom who has managed to fit it all in, she is probably just good at pretending she has.